THIRD PERSON’s

Katarina stretched her arm, awakened by the noise and vibration of her phone. Yakap niya pa si Winter.. madilim pa sa labas. She immediately took her phone para icheck, baka magising pa ang girlfriend niya because of the noise.

“What the..” Nagising ang diwa ni Karina sa nabasa niya.

Message ni Ryujin, na naman.

It’s been days since their last talk and Karina—although still worried, managed to keep Ryujin out of her head. Hindi naman mahirap gawin dahil palaging si Winter at ang mga everyday ganap nila ang iniisip niya.

Ryujin: ate kat pls pick up idk what to do

Ate Kat: anong meron?

Ryujin: my chrst hurts

Pagkabasa nun, Karina slowly got off the bed. Inayos niya pa ang kumot ni Winter before walking out of the room. Ryujin’s calling again.

She looked back at her girlfriend from the doorway. Tulog na tulog pa din si Winter.

Karina, still sleepy, combed her hair habang pababa sa living room. Hinayaan niya lang ang call ni Ryujin na magmark as missed na naman. She looked at the wall clock. Alas kwarto ng umaga, Ryujin’s calling her because she’s breaking down.. Maybe?

Umupo lang si Karina sa upuan ng dining table, tinitigan ang phone niyang tinatawagan ni Ryujin.

When Ryujin called again, for the third time, sinagot niya na.

Hindi din naman kasi mapigilan ni Karina na mag-alala.

With the phone next to her ear, Karina anxiously bit her fingertip, hinintay na magsalita si Ryujin while staring at the staircase.

“Anong nangyayari, Ryu?” Siya na ang nagsalita, nakailang segundo na kasi, wala pa ding nagsasalita sa kabilang linya.

After a few more seconds, nakarinig na siya ng tunog mula kay Ryujin.

Walang sinabi si Ryujin... umiyak lang.

Napapikit nalang si Katarina, she feels bad for her pero wala naman siyang magagawa kundi makinig nalang.

It happened another time, hindi na nag-alinlangan si Karina nang sagutin niya yun dahil madaling araw na namang tumawag si Ryujin.

Ganun pa din ang nangyari, umiyak lang si Ryujin ulit and then thanked her after.

Pinapatay din naman agad ni Karina ang tawag para hindi na mapahaba ang usapan.  

She’s just there to be a friend who’ll listen.

But on the third time, Winter went biking around the neighborhood nang tumawag si Ryujin. That was around 2 P.M. in the afternoon.

Karina hesitated. Hindi kasi kagaya nung una at pangalawang beses na madaling araw nangyari. She wondered what happened to Ryujin in the afternoon para ngayon pa tumawag.

Like she thought, this call’s different.

“Hi, ate Kat!” Narinig niya agad ang masayang boses ni Ryujin.

Karina stopped from writing her anniversary coupon for Winter, inilagay muna sa pen case niya ang ballpen para makausap nang maayos si Ryujin.

“Uh.. hi?” Careful si Karina dahil sa totoo lang, hindi niya na alam kung paano makikipagusap kay Ryujin after all of that.

“Nakita ko si Winter dun sa labas. Magisa ka lang now?”

Right. Winter’s outside. Napapikit nalang si Karina, iniisip na baka bad mood si Winter mamaya kung sakali mang nakita niya din si Ryujin.

“Oo, bakit?” Sagot niya pa din, not giving the same jolly attitude she used to have when talking to her.

“Puntahan kita! I'll bring over a thank you gift.”

Mabilis na kumunot ang noo ni Karina sa narinig. “Ha? ‘Wag na.”

“Ano lang naman to—“

Napabuntong hininga nalang talaga si Karina, nararamdaman na din ang inis sa pangungulit sa kaniya.

“Ryujin, stop.” She said in a stern voice. “’Wag ka nang tatawag ulit sakin. I only answered your calls because I felt bad on not comforting you pero tama na. Hindi mo na ako mauuto.”

She’s so done. Nagpapasensiya nalang siya dahil matagal na silang magkaklase ni Ryujin and they spent a significant amount of time facing hardships during review pero sa totoo lang, she felt so used and played with how Ryujin lied to her, and been set up when Winter got mad.

Napapagod na siyang maging palaintindi.  

“Tigilan mo na ako.” Pahabol niya, and before she could hear Ryujin saying another word, pinatay niya na ang tawag.

---

Madaling araw nang nakarating si Winter sa bahay. Natagalan ang kuya niya sa pagsundo sa kaniya. She sent a message to Katarina as soon as she settled on her bed.

W ko: Tulog ka na?

Rina ♡ calling…

Napaupo si Winter sa kama niya nang makitang tumawag agad si Karina a second after ma-seen ang message niya.

“Rina? Bakit gising ka pa?”

Karina’s on her bed as well. “Hinintay kita, sabi mo.. tatawag ka.” Kakatapos lang ulit niyang magpakasentimental nang saktong magchat si Winter sa kaniya.

“Bakit ikaw ang tumawag?”

Napairap nalang siya sa tanong ni Winter. “Ayaw mo ba? Sige, patayi—“

Winter smiled, cutting her off. “May gusto akong sabihin.”

During the flight, walang ibang inisip si Winter kundi ang mga pangyayari bago niya iwan si Karina sa airport.

Winter spent a lovely Christmas with Karina’s family. She and Katarina were almost like live-in partners during her whole vacation and those days meant a lot to her that she had the courage to talk to Karina’s parents and sister about her plan na magpropose kay Katarina soon.

She was, and still is sure that she loves her girlfriend that much.

“Ano?” Nakangiti pa si Karina, mukhang excited sa sasabihin niya.

Kinabahan tuloy si Winter.

But anyway, she has decided to tell her. Kasi kung hindi.. baka mabaliw na si Winter.

“I saw your call log the other day..” Winter started, nawala agad ang ngiti ni Katarina kaya napahigpit ang hawak ni Winter sa phone niya.

“You’ve been calling with Ryujin? Why?” Mahinahon niyang tanong, she saw Karina sighing. “Hindi ako galit. Curious lang ako.”

“She didn’t pass the boards, and she sometimes needed someone to talk to.” Honest na sagot ni Karina. She knew that they’ll be talking about this soon but she didn’t expect na si Winter pa ang magsasabi.

Plano niya namang ikwento.. ayaw lang muna niya dahil nga hindi maganda ang timing at baka mag-away lang sila.

“Let me guess, she wants you?”

Napafrown si Karina. “Don’t say it that way, baby..”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tanong ulit ni Winter, inilapit ang camera para matitigan si Karina sa screen.

“Alam kong magseselos ka.” Sagot ni Karina na nagpa-sigh kay Winter.

“Did that help? Not telling me? Because if it did.. then we wouldn’t be having this conversation now.”

Napalunok tuloy si Karina. Tama naman kasi si Winter. Oo na, alam niya namang mali siya dun.

“Winter.. ayoko lang naman na mag-away pa tayo.” Karina felt her chest aching nang makitang walang nagbabago sa expression ni Winter. Na-trauma na yata si Karina sa away nila sa Romantic Baboy last time.

This is even worse, hindi man lang niya malambing o mahawakan si Winter.

“Ryujin’s not okay. Whenever we call, nakikinig lang naman ako sa pag-iyak niya, I don’t talk.” She said, pinapaliwanag nalang niya dahil baka maiintindihan siya.

Winter nodded. Nabuhayan naman si Karina.

“Do you still call?”

Umiling si Karina. “Recently? Hindi na.. she stopped bugging me.”

“Bakit tumigil?”

“Because I stopped answering her calls.”

“Okay..”

“’Di ka na galit?” Karina asks again kahit sinabi na kanina ni Winter na hindi naman daw siya galit.

She tilts her head and leaned on her pillow nang hindi sumagot si Winter, hindi na din nakatingin sa phone niya at sa sahig nalang yata tumititig.

“Win.” Pagtawag niya, hindi pa din tumitingin si Winter sa kaniya.

Ang hirap. Ang hirap na video call lang.

“Winter, please.” She begged, her other fist clenching on the pillow sa pagpigil niyang maiyak.

Winter finally looked at her through the screen. Ngumiti nang kaunti.

“I love you, Katarina.” Yun na lang ang sinabi ni Winter.

Hindi tuloy alam ni Karina kung okay na ba.. kung okay na ba sila.

“Mahal din kita, Winter.” Sagot niya pa rin.

“Rina.” Biglang tawag ni Winter naman, Karina listened attentively.

“Hm?”

“Do you.. believe that Ryujin has something for you?”

“O-oo..” Mabilis na sagot ni Karina, not wanting her girlfriend to think she’s stalling. Totoo din naman kasi, naramdaman niya na din si Ryujin after recent events.

“Pero kinausap mo pa din siya.. Bakit?”

Ito na naman yung pakiramdam ni Karina, kagaya nung away nila after boards. Pakiramdam niya, Winter’s judging her.

Deserve na din siguro niya for not being careful.

“Sorry, Win.”

“Sagutin mo nalang ako.”

Tumango si Karina at humugot ng lakas ng loob para magexplain sa girlfriend niyang kanina pang seryoso. “I feel like.. I should be there for her. Ako ang kasama niya nung review classes. Hindi dahil sa romantic feelings niya o ano.”

“Okay.” Tipid na sagot na naman ni Winter.

Ang hirap talagang manuyo through call.

“Okay..?”

Winter finally smiled at her. Hindi man makangiti pabalik si Karina dahil sa lungkot na nararamdaman niya, she felt better seeing her girlfriend smiling.

“Hindi ako galit na naguusap kayo.. I’m just worried at the thought of you not telling me but Rina, hindi mo kasalanan na hindi siya pumasa.” Winter finally said her thoughts. Karina nodded as she listened.

“Pero.. I hope you know how hard it is for me to stay sane thinking about you two talking that much.”

Nanggigil na naman si Karina sa unan na hawak niya. It pains her to even think about how Winter felt.

“Hindi ko siya kinakausap, Win.” Pag-uulit ni Karina, trying to assure Winter.

Tinitigan niya ang pagod na mukha ni Winter. Nakajacket ang girlfriend niya like always. She already misses her, gusto niyang yakapin si Winter whenever she’s giving her assurance.

Assurance na hindi naman pala yata tumatalab kay Winter.

Dahil nang magsalita ulit si Winter, Karina’s heart sank.

“Are you telling the truth..?”

“Win, are you doubting me?” Katarina asks back, akala niya, okay sila.

She thought that the only issue was that she failed to tell her about Ryujin’s calls.

“Sorry.” Winter apologized—parang nag-give up na agad sa usapan nila, hindi man lang planong mag-explain.

“Seriously?”

“Hindi—“

“Kilala kita, Winter. You’re doubting me right now.”

Karina can’t help but feel frustrated. Naiirita siya na ganito na pala ang nangyayari. Where’s the Winter who promised to trust her no matter what?  

“Hindi ko mapigilang mag-overthink, Rina.”

“Why do you keep acting like you don’t know me at all? Ano ba, Winter.. we’ve known each other since we were kids.” Inis na sabi ni Katarina, she sat properly on the bed at pinatay ang camera niya.

She takes her phone closer to her ear at dun nagsalita. Naiinis lang siyang tingnan si Winter kasi alam niyang maghahalo-halo lang ang nararamdaman niya kung makikita niya ang girlfriend niya while defending herself.

“Mali ako na hindi ko agad sinabi sayo, I just don’t think it matters because I’m just listening to her at hindi ko na din naman siya tinolerate when I figured she’s taking advantage of her situation.” Tuloy-tuloy niyang sabi, the frustrations being spat with her words. Hindi niya narinig na sumagot si Winter kaya nagsalita ulit siya.

“Winter.. sana naman, magtiwala ka sakin.” Ang tono ni Katarina.. nagmamakaawa na. Napapagod na din siya.

Because here she is, thinking she can always come to Winter to try and fix things before any unwanted feeling comes dangerously close to their hearts pero si Winter pala, nagd-doubt na.

“I can’t always tell what you’re thinking because you’re not with me right now.”

Karina can’t cry. Isa sa mga rason kung bakit niya isinara ang video niya ay dahil ayaw niyang ipakita na naman kay Winter na umiiyak siya.

But then, she can’t cry kahit gusto niya. Para bang nagagalit na lang siya sa nangyayari sa kanila.

“Don’t you think it’s unfair that here I am, thinking how sure I am about you